I was in a fast foodish place eating lunch earlier today when I saw some “area youths” with their straight-billed, too-big baseball caps on. It got me thinking about how I thought that kind of thing went out of style like a decade ago. I then thought in my old-man way about how pointless the hats were when worn like that: they don’t fit properly, they don’t shade sun where...
I love all of you nerds, but...
…if I have to see that picture of the 11th or whatever Dr. Who at the Royal Wedding one more time, I’m getting in the Tardis and doing whatever one does in a Tardis to ensure that all of your asses are kicked and I don’t have to see that picture again. *Smooch*
mrsbadcrumble replied to your photo: It’s OK, she’s 22 years old. Says so right there…. She was born the year I graduated from high school. Grossssssss. It’s not her fault that you graduated from high school when you were 6 years old.
portorock replied to your photo: It’s OK, she’s 22 years old. Says so right there…. If she could be your kid it is…perv. She’s only old enough to be my daughter in Arkansas and West Virginia. Prude.
Almost 1 in 4 Americans and virtually half of all Republicans think that Obama was born outside of the United States. I wonder how many of these Americans were on the bandwagon to amend the Constitution when the Governator, Austrian by birth but American by the grace of Lee Greenwood, was the belle of the GOP ball in 2004?
An excerpt from an email sent by MoveOn.org
Dear MoveOn member, Remember in 2009, when the Tea party flooded congressional town halls and whipped themselves into a frenzy over health care? Cable news played the clips over and over, and it nearly doomed health care reform. Right now, doing what the Tea party did two years ago is our best way to stop Washington’s rush toward another round of devastating cuts. [emphasis theirs] ...
I submit to the science community that laughing at fart noises is nature, not nurture.
As much as I know that parenthood has changed me, I fight the idea that it has changed by personal tastes. I still essentially like the same stuff I’ve always liked (past, present and future), whether patently offensive or as G-rated as it comes. One place I know that’s not true is Chuck Klosterman — who’s not even offensive in those kinds of terms, but anyway. I just can’t...
I still think my mullet looked pretty awesome.
Only YOU can help me pass English 115
clapifyoulikeme: I’m doing my final project for my English class (Intro to Film and New Media), and I need some help. And I promised my professor you would help me. We’re supposed to “investigate and assess an important question that helps us to better understand the ways that digital media affects us, our habits, our assumptions, our society and communities, and/or our world”. My question is...
Things I Ate for Lunch that Might Kill Me: You...
I have leftover shrimp-and-veggie stir-fry in the fridge at work. It’s from Tuesday. Do I eat it or do I go get a sandwich and Cheetos? My life is in your hands.
Truthful Good Friday
Hey Rachel! I, too, have never seen Jesus Christ Superstar. I had the opportunity to see it one time when I was a junior in high school. We had Sunday matinee tickets to a touring production, except I got drizzunk on the whiskey the night before and was pukin’ in the shower that morning. I told my mom I must have eaten something but she weren’t no dummy and told me I was a stupid idiot...
lisarahmat replied to your post: Memories As I read this, all memories of you being a turd ran through my head. Did I mention that I also have this constant voice in my head telling me I’m a turd and that that voice is Lisa and that that’s weird because I don’t even know what Lisa’s voice sounds like?
bettylies replied to your photo: When presented with such lovely tomatoes from the… I love BLTs! As long as they don’t have tomatoes. I heard Jesus didn’t like tomatoes. Look what happened to him.
My mind runs through random memories pretty much nonstop. I’m 15 years old, sitting in the back of my friend’s Subaru Brat in the parking lot at the apartment complex where I lived. I’m singing along to a Police song. My friend’s girlfriend tells me I have a good singing voice and I get so embarrassed I actually tell her to shut up. That’s pretty much my teen...
Truthful Wednesday: Briefly, On Being a Dad
Sometimes I think “creative outlet” is just a euphemism for “let me distract you from all of my personal baggage.” I could bore you with all of the overthinking that has gone into being a fatherless father, how that has impacted my entire life both creatively and just, well, everythingly. I could run through all of the metaphors I’ve built up, all of the false...
When I was the age that my son is now, my mom managed a pizza place owned by her ex-husband. It had Space Invaders and Asteroids consoles. I had also recently seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Sometimes, when my mom was working the closing shift we would lay out my sleeping bag on a stack of 50-lb. flour bags in the office. My mom would kiss me good night, then turn out the light, shut the...
If everyone had a dad like me, no one would have sex tapes.– Tina Fey, Letterman 4/15/11 _____________________________________ Yes, a sex tape. The height of depravity. Here’s a quick list of things that annoy me about Tina Fey (in no particular order): 1. Her regular allusions to a joyless and uninteresting sex life. ep1.6 Jenna Maroney: How’s the...
Just ate dinner at Chick-fil-A across the street from the outlet malls. Some days are more American than others.
Billy Joel, Innocent Man Tour, April 23, 1984,...
I begged my mom. We went late spring skiing in the afternoon and saw the concert that night. If I recall, tickets were $15.